Would this valentine email be ‘safe for work’ today?

10 years ago – almost to the day – I received this valentines email message. It was a collection of anonymous ‘valentines messages’ collected by the internal comms team at Future, a magazine publisher where I used to work.

They did this every year. They’d ask staff to send in anonymous valentines messages for other staff members. Each year there’d be dozens of declarations of love and affection – some more serious than others.

I’ve copied and pasted it below for two reasons:

1) It’s an interesting idea that you might want to copy

2) It does make me wonder whether this would be acceptable today. They printed people’s real names – alongside some fairly saucy messages! Was 2005 really that different to 2015?

Here goes…


Future Intranet 14/02/2005
to: all
Subject: Valentine’s messages from the Pollmeister!

We asked all love legends for their valentine’s messages. Loads of you left a love note for a fellow Futurite. Here is a rundown of those special messages.

“Loving With Passion”

The Pollmeister x

———————————————————————————————————————————————-

Dizzy wants some Sizzy. Sizzy wants some fizzy Dizzy. Izzee gonna get
some? xxx

——————

Fokatie…….
The first time we met, I could see,
That you and I, were meant to be.
Your eyes were so gentle, your smile so true,
When you first held my hand, I just knew.

If time could stand still, I’d freeze it here,
So you’d always hold me, close and near.
In your arms, where I’m meant to be,
Filled with the perfect love you’ve given me.

A vow to myself I make,
As you quietly sleep away;
To love and always cherish you,
Until my last breath… until my last day.

I love you so much…Foo xxxxxxx

——————

To Ryan Ferguson, you have an amazingly sexy voice and looks to match. Just a shame you’re near yet so far…….

——————

Faye Dixon
Still think you’re cute. From an admirer miles away…..in
Baker Street…x

——————

To Luca Cataluffi, “fit but you know it”, but hey I still wouldn’t say no ;)

——————

WILL you or won’t you…

WILL you ever glance in my direction?
WILL you share your supersize sub with me?
WILL we ever sip a diet coke and lime together?
WILL my heart stop fluttering at the sight your latest gadgets?
WILL you ever tidy you desk?
Where there’s a WILL there’s a press release. Rock on! xxxx

——————

Dataflow. Oh, Dataflow. How you make my heart race… I’ll be sorry to
see you go when Studio Editorial makes its entrance. We’ve had many a long night
together and many a morning too ;o)
I’ll miss you. Bye.

——————

Mike Mansfield
You’d make a great Spoon Man. Happy Valentines!
x

——————

Rebecca Smalley – you’re much too good for those Linux geeks.

——————

Hayley,

To have a reason
to come and see you,
I spend more cash
than I really need to.

I love your style
and your sweet manner,
And your Tinkerbell glass
is a real winner.

You’re my favourite member
of the cashiers team,
To spend a day with you
Would be a perfect dream.

Your Secret Admirer
xxx

——————

To King Zed of the Jungle
Happy Valentines Day!!!
Love your Jane of the Jungle x

——————

Philippa Montgomery… lush. You make me do a s*x wee. X

——————

To Stuart Harris, thanks for always putting a smile on my face no matter what xxx

——————

Clare Dodds,
I love the way you smile at me in the mornings!
xxxxxx

——————

Perkins. I love you more each day. T. xxxxx

——————

Adam
You’re cooking for me tonight
The bol is getting bigger
It’s nothing to do with the food
It’s this bloody nipper!

The bed seems to be getting smaller
But it’s just the blooming belly
Make sure you’re ready on May 5th
When the waters break, grab your wellies

——————

My cute Games boy
It would have been fun to corrupt you
xx

——————

Andrew Church
Happy Valentines Mr Church! x ;-)

——————

Oh Caroline-a!
You are so fine-a!
I want to see you
in Redline-a!

Oh Caroline-a!
I’d never undermine ya!
You’d look good
in a bin-liner!

and you are a very good reception supervisor too
xxxxxxx

——————

Aubrey I think I love you. You’re such a genius. Come and edit my
contents. An admirer.

——————

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m the Fokeroon and you are me Foo… I love you so much…

——————

Sara,
Thank you for your patience,
Thank you for your care,
Thank you for your friendship,
And for always being there

——————

Kate Stodhard: If you weren’t taken, I’d love to be your David Beckham.

——————

Joy Lumby
Happy Valentine’s – will you be my wife? Love Boris

——————

Christopher Brown – I don’t normally go for blondes, but for you gorgeous I would make an exception :-*

——————

R is for romeo (that’s me)
A is for aero – bubbly chocolate
C is for communication (F-Word)
H is for honey blond hair
E is for excellent wife material
L is for lovely shoes

——————

The Golden Hags,
Best I send you a message as nobody else will!
Luv
BTB.x

——————

Happy Valentines Michael Francis!
Have a great day x x x

——————

Lily Kay
You Make My Day
Everytime I Walk Through The Door

It’s Such a Shame
It Won’t Be The Same
We’ll Miss Your Face For Evermore

I Wush You Joy
With The Hoi Polloi
And Hope Your New Job Is Not A Bore

——————

To Mark in Production
It’s time for your liposuction
And eye-bag lift
It’s your Valentines Gift
Love from the 10 Years Younger team
We’ll make your teeth gleam.

——————

Bike Boy
Thanks for the banter etc and for making sure I always get home safely – its been fun. xx

——————

Sara,
Love is the mountain that we must climb,
Let’s climb it together, your hand in mine,
We haven’t known each other long,
But the feelings we have are strong,
I know we can make it theres no doubt,
We owe it to ourselves to find out

——————

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Darren Phillips, I can’t get enough of you!

——————

Aimee and ‘orrible Abigail,
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Drop a dress size
And I might fancy you!

——————

John Gower, John Gower
Come join me in the shower!
I will be your lusty valentine
If you could just spare me the time.

——————

Dear Mr Happy Days
Wishing you a Happy Valentines Day
Love from the Westgate Palm Trees

——————

Even a Rose as beautiful as you (tickets!)
Must bloom and fade, but
I will always
Love You! X

——————

To Bobby Flu
I love you
Help me with my lipstick
Then I’ll kiss you quick
Love from the tangerine

——————

Abi Pocock
Abi, oh Abi
How could I forget
Hangovers in sunnies
And stealing left-over baguettes

Happy Valentines chick! I’ll miss you!

——————

Senorita Lopez,
¿qué puede usted ver?
te amo, adios
x

——————

To KR,

You answer the phones all day,
As I gaze into my display,
For it is not work I am thinking of,
But you and I making love!
From?

——————

Mr Amar Patel…what a fine figure of a man.
Shame you’re in London and i’m in Bath.
I could go on forever singing your praises but for now i’ll just sit back and make do with the odd visits you pay to the Bath office.
I’m happy to wait for you, or maybe some phone sex to tide us over?
Those smouldering dark eyes and manly shoulders do it for me.
Please be my valentine!

——————

To Mr Fluellen, from A.A.A

Bobby oh Bobby, how we once longed for you
You were amazing to us, a dream come true
We thought our love was solid as a rock
But then some one told us you had a small………….

——————

GW, thanks for inviting me to stay in your fairy room. Lovely decor.

——————

For The Business Service Boys – We loved your performance at the Christmas Party. Now we’ve seen you perform in public our question is how do you perform in private?

——————

Davy Lewis come and screw this

——————

Peter Stothard
David Beckham is a god
but not a patch on you
There is one man in my life
and I love you.
xxx

——————

Fattie, you are the fattest of them all. Love ooooo

——————

Rosie Davey… ditch the publisher and subscribe to this writer. I’d love to book some space with you, so have you got room for an 8×1?
It’s up to you where you place it…

——————

Karen D
My Love for thee
Is like a sea
My heart will be broken if you say no to me

——————

To Nick Bransby-Williams, naughty boys don’t deserve valentines messages, but thought I’d surprise you anyway ;-)

——————

To Scott Douglass – was the night of the Christmas party as memorable
for you as it was for us? From the Nice Girl and the Mean Girl x

——————

To The Teacher Who Never Was…
We both know it was taboo (haha), but I wish you’d not gone home that night, or that I’d caught you before you’d left.
I feel like I’ve missed out on some mind-blowing passion with an achingly sexy and sophisticated person (not to mention Hot! Hot! Hot!), and I still long to do all those shockingly exciting things we said we would.
I certainly won’t forget the last few months. But although it was the right thing to do, if I get the same chance again I’m not letting you go without at least a long kiss goodbye.
Happy Valentines!

——————

Donato Ditri come and eat me!
You haven’t been here long but my feelings for you are strong,
Be my valentine you Italian Stallion xxx

——————

Christy, you can Park & Ride me anytime.
You make the wheels on my bus spin around with lust.
Your secret commuter… x

——————

To The 2nd Floor Cleaning Lady, From Richard Jefferies.

I’m sorry about the confusion with your tea towels and all that fuss
But I must confess that’s just not how it was
In truth, I wanted a simple reminder of you
But now I must confess my love for you is true
I love your dulcit tones, ” ‘ave you finished for yer mug”
I only wish the office was empty so I could give you a big hug
I love the way you work that hoover round the floor
I often wonder if you’d like to come round to my house to do a bit more
Of course I’d pay you well, I’m known for my generosity
I guess I just want you to be my very own lovely cleaning lady

——————

Karon,
I know you want to snog me,
Keep the torch alight,
Maybe one day, you’ll be mine,
However not tonight.

——————

Christy, Christine or Crispy,
Mr Walters, it just don’t matter to me.
You have the name of a lady,
but the muscles of a young boy.
Hold them against me.

——————

Hotty Hughes – Wine and dine me this valentines day… and I might
agree to getting Sky Sports!! xx

——————

We both love cats, we both love bikes, we both love eating thai,
We both love sitting in a field, and watching bats fly by,
We both love doing stupid things, to make each other laugh,
But most of all it’s you I love, ’cause you’re my better half.

To T from your secret (ahem) admirer
xxxxxxxxxx

——————

For Mark Sparrow

O sweet little Sparrow, why won’t you
Alight on my mighty tree trunk of love

——————

You always were my favourite Cashier, please come back to me, I need
your inspiration in the gym, and now that you can drive the sky’s the limit.

——————

To Mark Sparrow,

I’d love to snog you with my bright red lips.
And to feel your hands caressing my hips
Alarm bells are ringing, this could get us in trouble
Just give me the nod and I’ll make your chair wobble!

——————

“Your knees may be dodgy
But your bottom looks just fine
You may be an old codger
Yet I wish that you were mine!”

——————

to lady hall of bitchfield
we all love you loads & wish you valentine happiness
big G, stevo & weasel boy

——————

Ian Robson
You’re so sexy and smart
Paul Smith tout le jour

You’ve flashed your crocodile grin
At every girl on the floor

But can’t run from the truth:
It’s sad but it’s true
You don’t fancy us
You only love you

——————

Hector,
I love the way we like to flirt,
and your fabulous pale pink shirt,
you love my passion for pricey shoes
and a good night out on the booze
so lets get down in the dirt,
not to rough mind, I might get hurt!
Me
x

——————

Claire Davies you are TG’s very own princess, and if I had the time
and lots of money, then I’d take you round the world.

——————

TM – you can take me to the edge of heaven anytime!
From a secret admirer! x

——————

Mrs Ifans
will you mine tonight?
?

——————

Tom Shaw: every time I see you my belly does back flips!

——————

Caroline,
I know we can never be together,
As I’m not your sort…
In more ways than one.

——————

Ode 2 Diskboy
Who is always buying an expensive new toy
With his shark fin hair
And his love of Erdinger

He thinks he’s a fun night out
Drinking ale, lager and stout
But he twitches on the dance floor
And his singing makes your ears sore

He loves to play Halo 2
On his XBox for an hour or two
Under the name Prince Willie
Which we all think is really silly

It’s time to say
Happy Valentines Day
Disc Boy
O how you still fill our hearts with joy

——————

I know we’ve got partners,
But give me your pager

You be Edwina
And I’ll be John Major

——————

Karen D
My love for thee
Is like a tree
Strong tall & woody

——————

Hey James ‘The Games’ Greenwood
Keep seeing you out surrounded by a crowd of girls – you must be hot
stuff! What’s your secret???

——————

TG Dave:
You rock my world, sweet cheeks!
Fancy having a go on MY valentine’s ‘Poll’
Anon

——————

To the Cross Stitch girl in stocking soles,
So slinky in your pantie-hoes.
You put your kettle on to boil
And send the males into turmoil;
Should we ask you out to eat
Or simply nibble on your feet?
Alas we fear we’ll never know
The outline of your sweet big toe.
Or will we?

——————

To James Evans, have a fantastic day even if you can’t guess who I am x

——————

to j
i lvoe you

——————

You know who you are, Mr Snugly Jumper!
You’re ace – keep up the banter
X

——————

A thousand kisses from you is never too much
xx

——————

Gangsta Al, I wanna lick your ankles !

——————

Nick Bransby-Williams…..Top Tasty Bloke..

——————

Ben Chandler = Sex on legs!!

——————

Valentine, valentine,
I’ll never forget
How you dine
Four times a day or maybe more.

You might think this would make you sleep
And pave the way to bed with sheep
But when we wend our way to bed
Read, snuggle down and counsel keep
Before long in uncomfortable splendour
We’ll be disturbed by eight small feet.

Love you and the small two for always xxx

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